Like the last time I went into the office, I told an intern, “You totally look hot when you’re researching my stories.” She didn’t respond, so to show how much appreciated her hotness, I gave her a love-tap on her fanny when she walked past.
Now she’s all screaming “Sexual Harassment!” And dude in HR is all like, “This is a serious issue, Mr. Coates.” And and I’m all like, “Bros Before Hos!” And they’re all like, “Hostile Work Environment.” And I’m all like, “Awesome Work Environment!” And my editors are all like, “Fireable Offense.” And I’m all like, “Men get harassed, too!” She tells me “Nice suit” and it’s fine. I tell her “Nice rack” and everyone gets all law-suity.
Anyway dude, it looks like this is my last post here at The Atlantic.
Totally not cool, bro. That chick was harassing me. With her hotness.
Is there anyone who thinks sexual harassment is a real thing? Is there anyone who doesn’t know it’s all a lawyers’ ramp, like “racial discrimination“? You pay a girl a compliment nowadays, she runs off and gets lawyered up. Is this any way to live?
There has never in the history of the world been a people better mannered and less inclined to insulting acts of prejudice than today’s Americans, yet we’re supposed to believe that the nation is seething with “harassment” and “discrimination,” women being groped in every business office and crosses burning on every lawn. For Heaven’s sake. Aren’t there any grown-ups around?
“One of the mixed blessings of being twenty and twenty one and even twenty three is the conviction that nothing like this, all evidence to the contrary notwithstanding, has ever happened to anyone before.”—Joan Didion, Goodbye To All That, 1968. (via xelvinn) [interview here] (via nprfreshair)